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For whatever reason I'm sitting here inspired by the memories of loss
 inspired to tell you a story of pain.
 The holiday season is coming near and it brings about a time that I fear.
 The pain of loss doesn't go away but we move on
away from the pain but also away from the memories we hold so dear.
 Like an old picture that has faded.
The corners are frayed the memories are strained
 and I'm trying to remember just what I had lost.
One moment in time changed so many lives, I think of the moments now lost.
One moment took three but three carry on in memories and tears
sometimes joy sometimes fear but it's never enough

Their winter came too soon
we sit here with pain in our hearts
amongst family and friends that know
just how hard it is to alone in a crowd surrounded by love
engulfed in guilt we put memories on skin with pain
for the last memory to be a wreck that's now trees
it isn't enough it isn't enough

Bible Study Q&A

I'm currently on vacation and out visiting my Mom, she asked if I would be interested in doing a little Q&A with her bible study group and I agreed. I figured I would write down my experience and share with you lovely people.

The night started off with a prayer that was obviously meant to induce a sense of guilt in me.
    "We pray for our brother Kyle that he may know to come the Truth (capital T) we know his mother prays for him daily...." etc.. etc..

The night was based around a potluck dinner and just a general night of friendship. The people were mostly very nice (except for an older gentleman I will call "D") D was the one that led the opening prayer and was very passive aggressive all night, but more on that later.

After dinner we went around the room and everyone shared their high point and low point of the past week. As you can imagine most were centered around church/or blessings from God. If you're curious my high was being on a 10 day vacation and my low was only having 6 more days.

And then the Q&A started
Most of the group seemed a little nervous at first in what to ask me (whether that was from not wanting to hear an answer or just never have spoken to a "real life atheist" I don't know)
The first question asked was
 "what was the one thing that changed your view on Christianity and how old were you?" To which I replied "I was about 23 when I really started to investigate the claims of Christianity and no there wasn't one thing, but many. Maybe the biggest being the history of the church"
This is when D stepped in and started talking and talking and talking and talking. He would start with a point then trail off into who I should read. "X was a former atheist and a smart kid like you, and so was Y you should really read Y, and Z have you heard of Z, well what about ......"

I tried to explain that just because one isn't a christian that doesn't necessarily make them an atheist which then led to another long rant by D talking about Mormons, Catholics, and Jehovah's Witnesses

Honestly the night would have been a lot better if D wasn't there (for all of us as I wasn't trying to debate people but he kinda forced my hand)

One Lady asked me if the death of my brother had anything to do with my deconversion. I emphatically stated NO and was going to talk about my thoughts on heaven but she then informed me about the recent death of her brother in Iraq and I didn't feel it necessary to take that comfort away.

* Another long rant by D*

Another gentleman interrupted D to explain that this isn't why we are here and then asked me what I thought was the best question of the night
"What do you believe in?"
"Humanity" I said "I believe that we are a force for great things in and for the world and that generally speaking people are good, we help each other. We may not always get it right and we can also cause much damage, but generally speaking and especially within small communities we are great for each other"

The night ended with another prayer, but not before D came up to me and said "If I was younger I would beat the Truth into you"
ah there is that good ol christian love!

wish the night would have been a little more informative but it was mostly me trying to explain this isn't a phase and I'm not rebelling

maybe I can convince them to do another one next time I'm out but one that is a little more structured so it doesn't trail off into empty threats and nonsensical tangents

Thanks for reading
-Kyle

Oprah and Atheism - my take

I'm going to go ahead and be the nine thousandth internet atheist that comments on the recent Oprah interview of  Diana Nyad, hopefully my take is just a little bit different than others.

The reaction of the atheist I'm in contact through twitter seem to fall in to two categories "Who cares what Oprah thinks" and the "Oprah is a ignorant bigot" crowd. I firmly fall into the former (with the obvious glaring exception of me writing this blog, yay hypocrisy!)  

Let's look at the exchange that seems to have caused all the "outrage"

“I can stand at the beach’s edge with the most devout Christian, Jew, Buddhist, go on down the line, and weep with the beauty of this universe and be moved by all of humanity. All the billions of people who have lived before us, who have loved and hurt and suffered. So to me, my definition of God is humanity and is the love of humanity.” Nyad said

“Well, I don’t call you an atheist then,” Winfrey said. “I think if you believe in the awe and the wonder and the mystery, then that is what God is. That is what God is. It’s not a bearded guy in the sky.”


 A majority of the outrage I've seen towards Oprah quotes her as saying "You're not an atheist" when this isn't what she said. What she did say I can almost agree with based on Nyad's definition of "god". When Nyad says "my definition of god is humanity..." that does come across as quite similar to that of a pandeist. Now I'm not trying to say or imply that Diana is a pandiest, but when she describes her definition of god I could see how one (in this case Oprah) could be confused.

Oprah's reply almost mimics what Nyad says. If Nyad's definition of god is "humanity and the love of humanity" and Oprah's is "awe and wonder" really what is the difference? They are both using a slippery version of the term "god". When Oprah goes on to say "God isn't a bearded man in the sky" she kind of outs her self as a non theist. Both women identify with some sort of  spirituality the only difference is how they define it. Diana seems to not have a belief in any sort of supernatural element, but Oprah (who has had psychics and the like on her show) does.

So what is the outrage about? Because Oprah has a different definition of atheism (one commonly held)? Or are we just looking to be "offended"? If it's just about the latter we could surely find a more obvious offender, if it's the former then lets take the opportunity to educate not belittle.
Without trying to sound too authoritarian we shouldn't be so wrapped up in a label that we have to be offended anytime someone disagrees with what that label means.

comments welcome
thanks for reading

Debate Review!!! (and my thoughts)

I recently listened to the debate "Does the God of Christianity Exist" by Justin Schieber and Max Andrews. If you would like to listen it can be found here and transcript is here

Before I start my review I do want it to be known that I am not a philosopher or have any formal debate training. I will try my hardest to be as objective as I can, but since I do not have a belief in the Christian God I'm sure my bias will show.

 Max Andrews opens the debate with three points, two for the existence of a god (The Thomistic Cosmological Argument and The Fine-Tuning Argument) the third for the existence of the christian God The Resurrection of Jesus. 
I will only comment on the third point because in my opinion the first two do not matter as the debate topic is specific to the existence of the Christian God only. We can grant the existence of a god (deistic model) and that gets us no closer the existence of the God as described in the Bible.
Max's argument for the resurrection quickly turns into the "Who would die for a lie" argument and although I think Justin does a good job explaining why that is a bad argument he could have done better (and has). The empty tomb seems to be the crux of this argument and granting that said tomb was in fact proven to be empty that is only proof of an empty tomb not resurrection. There are a few other possibilities that should be considered. 1) The body was stolen/moved (this would fall under the rebuttal to "who would die for a lie"), 2) The guard(s) were paid off by Joseph of the Sanhedrin (who is the owner of the tomb Jesus was buried in) effectively faking Jesus' death.

The best argument Justin Schieber makes is his "God World" argument and although I do think Max makes a fairly decent rebuttal. My question to both Justin and Max regarding the "God World" argument is how does heaven factor into the point? Could God have just created heaven and would that erode the "God World"? If it doesn't then why is this temporal life necessary? If it does erode "God World" then Justin's argument stands solid.

Max takes great issue with Justin's Hell argument and I think that issue would be justified if the topic of debate was "Does God exist" but it wasn't. The Christian God is given very specific qualities in the Bible and by Christians if the god they describe also created hell than it is an issue. Specifically Max takes issue with the phrase "God sends people to hell" and I'd like to address why that is a valid statement (which I think Justin could have done a better job addressing). If God is omniscient and the creator of the universe then he created a universe knowing that only about 2 in 7 people would believe in the Jesus story. He could have created a universe where the evidence was overwhelmingly accessible and undeniable. He could have created a universe where blood sacrifice was not needed at all. He chose to create this one and therefore knows who would and would not accept the Jesus story and created this universe anyway. It is a valid statement that "God sends people to hell".

I do have one question for Max (assuming he reads this) regarding his belief in hell and judgement. How does God judge those that are never given the opportunity to accept or reject the Jesus claim past/present/future? Many Christians I have come across say they will be judged based on the "knowledge they have" which sounds an awful lot like being judged on actions and not beliefs to me. If this is the case than the resurrection is not necessary for salvation, which begs the question as to why the resurrection was necessary at all. If these people are punished for their non belief in something that they were never given the opportunity to accept or reject than God has most definitely sent them to hell.

I am not usually a fan of the formal (especially live) debates because generally speaking participants are forced to anticipate their opponents points and responses and don't actually address what is said. I enjoyed this one because both Max and Justin were given ample time to dissect and respond to the arguments made. My main criticism of each debater is they allowed (or steered) the debate to go from "Does the Christian God exist" to "Does a god exist"

Please listen to or read the debate and tell me where I am wrong

I want to thank both Justin Schieber and Max Andrews for a job well done (I also hope you don't mind that I addressed you both by your first names) this was one of the finer debates I have ever listened to

- MoonWalking Unicorn  


 

The Deconversion of a Unicorn

This is my second (maybe third) attempt at writing my "deconversion" story fully. I find it difficult because as I start writing I remember more and more things that helped "awaken" my critical thinking skills which led me to doubt. The other reason it has been so difficult is I am having a hard time remembering which events came first or if they were simultaneous. I think instead of agonizing over this I'm just going to write it as if this were a diary (but public because I'm crazy). If you would rather read a very compressed version of my story go here otherwise keep reading.

 I was raised in a very conservative and religious household. We went to church every Sunday and either every Tuesday or Wednesday depending on age. I first accepted Jesus at the age of seven, I still remember this event today (and I have a terrible memory). I remember being in the living room at my Dad's house and sitting on the couch looking out the window when I prayed the "sinners prayer". I never questioned my beliefs until after high school. Ironically ever since high school I have always felt "called" to challenge peoples belief systems.  Again I struggle to remember the correct order of events but these are a few of the things that spurred my quest for additional knowledge. The following events happened between the ages of 20-25

• The Daily Show - I watched The Daily show since its inception, back when Craig Kilborn was the host and it wasn't political at all. Had I tried to watch after Stewart took over I think my cognitive dissonance would have kicked in and I would have tuned out. The one episode that led me to start questioning my conservative values was with Jim Wallis as guest. He was on to promote his book God's Politics. I found it very interesting so I had to pick it up.
• God's Politics - Reading this book challenged many of the things I thought I believed. It was more of a liberal christian viewpoint of the bible. Challenging my notion of capital punishment, war, poverty/charity etc... This was my first real exposure to differing Christian views. 
• Christian music/P.O.D.- I was very into the Christian rock scene (don't judge me) P.O.D. being at the forefront of this movement (to me at least) as such I was a frequent visitor to their forum boards where I would lurk onto the religious discussion thread. This was the first time I had ever encountered non believers and the dreaded atheists
• Small group part 1- I was a member of a small group at church called College and Career, a group for 18-26 year old "young adults". In this group we discussed many issues of the day. In one meeting the question came up "If a friend gave you a book on eastern religions, would you read it?" I was the only one that answered yes (apparently the correct answer was no) My reply then was "If my faith can be shaken by a book, then I don't have strong enough faith" 
• College - I had decided as part of my "calling" to convert those of other religions, I needed to have at least a basic understanding of other religions. I took a World Religions course where I learned the basics about the major world religions and most importantly more about my own.
• Small group part 2 - My parents also had their own small group meeting at our house and I don't remember exactly the topic but I know during the discussion I asked one of the associate pastors " If tomorrow a study came out undeniably refuting the God of the Bible as being true, would you still believe" the answer was "Of course I would!" This is when I realized that these people were not interested in truth.

These things all contributed in awakening my critical thinking skills, but none of them "made" me an atheist. For a few years I was what I can best now describe as a Christian Deist. I believed Jesus was the son of God and came to "save" us. I just no longer believed that God really interacted with the world and I accepted the Bible had many historical and contextual inaccuracies. It was around this time a friend with similar worldview handed me a copy of Dawkins' "God Delusion". Even after reading it I still didn't identify as an atheist but I did slowly migrate into what is best described as a pantheist or as I identified Jedi.

It probably took another year or two of reading various things that I finally realized and accepted that I no longer believed in any sort of deities or supernatural entities. Even then I wasn't immediately open about it, but I had a twitter account and through Ricky Gervais I found @MrOZAtheist and @gspellchecker. For months I lurked and read their tweets/posts and finally felt ready to "come out" to friends and family. I lost a few friends and have become the black sheep of my family (I'm not shunned, but things are different) It was probably close to another year before I decided I wanted to try and help others through their own transition and created the @UnicornOnMoon account you all know me as now, but that story will come another time.

Again sorry for the weird format of this post, but I really struggled with the timeline and this was a way to get out a few of the "reasons"
I may post my rough, unfinished, draft in the comments if anyone cares to read that

Thanks for reading

Is Heaven Immoral?

I tend to commonly baffle my christian friends and family (not mention those I encounter online) with my statement "If heaven was real I'd rather not exist than go there, heaven is immoral". I'd now like to expand on to what I mean by that. As such for the remainder of this post I will be assuming Heaven is real (taken from a Christian perspective).

Firstly even the concept of a heaven/hell scenario seems horrible to me. IF we get our sense of justice/mercy from a god, how then does infinite punishment/reward for finite crimes fit our understanding of justice/mercy. True justice is when the punishment meets the crime exactly and mercy is alleviating punishment based on empathy/compassion/forgiveness. What crime could we possibly commit in a finite life that would justify infinite punishment?

Assuming heaven exists, I strongly believe that being there, for me, would either be a form of torture or completely immoral. It would be torture for me, mentally, for me to enjoy the "joys" of heaven while I know people I care for (or just people in general) are burning in hell. I care too much about the well being of the people I love to idly sit by and worship a deity that has deemed billions of people unworthy of "paradise". Based on my actions here on earth I know that I would begin a petition to release those in hell and if that didn't work I would out right revolt (is it possible Lucifer did what he did because he is more moral than God?) IF a god is truly responsible for our sense of empathy and compassion why allow me the ability to care for others on earth if for a far longer time (forever) I have to suspend those emotions?

The only way I could enjoy heaven is if God fundamentally changed who I am as a person in such a way that I am no longer me.  This, in my opinion, is an immoral act. We would not abide by those standards here on earth. Can you imagine the outrage if we tampered with someones brain to the point where they could no feel empathy (or any human emotion)?

If I die and a god tells me I have done well enough to receive the "gift" of eternity in heaven I will gladly and without remorse reply:
"Thank you for the offer sir (assuming male here) but I respectfully decline and would rather be non-existent"
I guess I can only hope he would be merciful and accept my request.

thank you for reading
thoughts and comments are always welcome

-Moon Walking Unicorn

How an Atheist Deals With Tragedy

First let me make it very clear that this is how I have dealt with tragedy and is in no way a blueprint.

Twelve years ago today (Feb 15 2001) my 14 year old brother and his two best friends (ages 15) were killed in a car accident. They were on their way to a high school basketball game when a man ran a red light and T-boned the vehicle they were in, killing all three instantly. Maybe some other time I will go into more detail about my brother and/or the accident, but that isn't the purpose of this post.

At the time I was a very devout christian and to be honest the belief I would see my brother again was comforting (and still is to the rest of my family) so how do I deal with days like today now? I try to remember my brother for who he was and how as a teenager he was so full of life and didn't let his stature (he was very short) stop him from doing the things he loved. I try to allow his passion for life live on through me. I do not believe in an afterlife, I do not believe I will ever see my brother or his friends again and it isn't that I'm "OK" with that I just understand it.

My newly found passion is to enjoy the one life I know I do get, and I do this in various ways. Most recently I have tried to become a bigger part of the online atheist community with the main objective to be an ear to others that find themselves struggling for whatever reason. That to me is the best way to honor my brothers legacy and his "spirit". Sometimes a listening ear or a hug can change somebodies day and that is what I try to do.

We all will (or have) come to a point where we will have to deal with tragedy and there are no magic words to make everything better. The idea of heaven is comforting to some, but that doesn't make it real. I know the stages of grief but understanding them doesn't make them easier to go through. What does make it easier is friendship and family (and sometimes a beer)

If I can give advice to anybody that is going through grief it's this: Allow people to be there, don't shut yourself away, but also don't be afraid to pause and reflect.

My advice to anyone that has a friend going through grief:
This isn't about you, if they ask you to go away do it, but let it be known you are always around. Above all else don't abandon them 3 months later the pain doesn't go away and phone call or a night out can make all the difference.

Sorry this post is a bit of a ramble and all over the place, but as you can imagine today can be a bit emotional

Thanks for reading hope it was helpful

p.s. sorry theist these events didn't make me mad at god in fact at the time I ran towards god it wasn't until much later that I began to understand god was only a figment of my imagination

You are an atheist, now what?

You have finally come to the conclusion that you are an atheist, and like many of us did/do you are asking yourself "now what?" Do you become a vocal atheist ready and willing to debate all theist? Do you hide the fact that you are no longer a believer hoping not to be shunned by family/friends? Religion, for all its faults, brought a sense of worth and direction in ones life, what does atheism offer?

The beauty of atheism is now, maybe for the first time, YOU get to choose what you do with your life! No Pastor/Preacher/Imam/Rabbi telling you what gods "calling" is for you. Only you can give your life meaning and worth and I think that's what makes this life better than the one controlled by dogma and outdated traditions.

You want to go out and debate theist? You can, but you don't have to. If you want to continue living your life the way you always have (minus of course that pesky guilt ridden god thing) you can do that too. Nothing and nobody tells you what kind of atheist you have to be.

I do however have some words of caution for you. Remember YOU are the one that changed your belief system, not your friends and not your family. Some (maybe most) will abandon you or pull back their friendship to lower levels. This is to be expected and really it is not unlike any other time in our lives where something significant changes. Remember when you left that job at (insert job here)? You and Johnny were the greatest of work friends and now you never or rarely see him. What changed why did your friendship fall apart? It is simple really the thing that brought you together was a common interest, the workplace. The same will happen now, friends that you may have had for years will slowly fade away, they may even say some nasty hurtful things. I am not excusing this sort of behavior, but try to look at it from their perspective. You changed and not only that you are saying their god isn't real, harsh reactions are to be expected.

Another problem we can find ourselves getting into is treating our new found atheism like a shiny new toy. It can be hard to remember that not everyone takes the same journey as us. They haven't read Dawkins, Harris, Hitch, or even the Bible. They don't know the same things you do. Remember your deconversion didn't happen over night, be gentle.

I don't say these things to scare you are push you from being a vocal atheist, I think more are needed to at least let the world know we are not baby eating, murderous, criminals. We are your neighbors, co-workers, friends, etc...

For possibly the first time YOU CONTROL YOUR LIFE, be who you want to be for the reasons you want to be it

p.s. If you need or are looking to get involved in some sort of community you may be interested in joining your local Humanist, SSA, or Free Thinkers club/society..... or you can find a great group of us on Twitter just tweet with the #AtheistRollCall and we'll find you and maybe even like you

Thanks for reading
remember you are never alone!

Moon Walking Unicorn