How an Atheist Deals With Tragedy

First let me make it very clear that this is how I have dealt with tragedy and is in no way a blueprint.

Twelve years ago today (Feb 15 2001) my 14 year old brother and his two best friends (ages 15) were killed in a car accident. They were on their way to a high school basketball game when a man ran a red light and T-boned the vehicle they were in, killing all three instantly. Maybe some other time I will go into more detail about my brother and/or the accident, but that isn't the purpose of this post.

At the time I was a very devout christian and to be honest the belief I would see my brother again was comforting (and still is to the rest of my family) so how do I deal with days like today now? I try to remember my brother for who he was and how as a teenager he was so full of life and didn't let his stature (he was very short) stop him from doing the things he loved. I try to allow his passion for life live on through me. I do not believe in an afterlife, I do not believe I will ever see my brother or his friends again and it isn't that I'm "OK" with that I just understand it.

My newly found passion is to enjoy the one life I know I do get, and I do this in various ways. Most recently I have tried to become a bigger part of the online atheist community with the main objective to be an ear to others that find themselves struggling for whatever reason. That to me is the best way to honor my brothers legacy and his "spirit". Sometimes a listening ear or a hug can change somebodies day and that is what I try to do.

We all will (or have) come to a point where we will have to deal with tragedy and there are no magic words to make everything better. The idea of heaven is comforting to some, but that doesn't make it real. I know the stages of grief but understanding them doesn't make them easier to go through. What does make it easier is friendship and family (and sometimes a beer)

If I can give advice to anybody that is going through grief it's this: Allow people to be there, don't shut yourself away, but also don't be afraid to pause and reflect.

My advice to anyone that has a friend going through grief:
This isn't about you, if they ask you to go away do it, but let it be known you are always around. Above all else don't abandon them 3 months later the pain doesn't go away and phone call or a night out can make all the difference.

Sorry this post is a bit of a ramble and all over the place, but as you can imagine today can be a bit emotional

Thanks for reading hope it was helpful

p.s. sorry theist these events didn't make me mad at god in fact at the time I ran towards god it wasn't until much later that I began to understand god was only a figment of my imagination

You are an atheist, now what?

You have finally come to the conclusion that you are an atheist, and like many of us did/do you are asking yourself "now what?" Do you become a vocal atheist ready and willing to debate all theist? Do you hide the fact that you are no longer a believer hoping not to be shunned by family/friends? Religion, for all its faults, brought a sense of worth and direction in ones life, what does atheism offer?

The beauty of atheism is now, maybe for the first time, YOU get to choose what you do with your life! No Pastor/Preacher/Imam/Rabbi telling you what gods "calling" is for you. Only you can give your life meaning and worth and I think that's what makes this life better than the one controlled by dogma and outdated traditions.

You want to go out and debate theist? You can, but you don't have to. If you want to continue living your life the way you always have (minus of course that pesky guilt ridden god thing) you can do that too. Nothing and nobody tells you what kind of atheist you have to be.

I do however have some words of caution for you. Remember YOU are the one that changed your belief system, not your friends and not your family. Some (maybe most) will abandon you or pull back their friendship to lower levels. This is to be expected and really it is not unlike any other time in our lives where something significant changes. Remember when you left that job at (insert job here)? You and Johnny were the greatest of work friends and now you never or rarely see him. What changed why did your friendship fall apart? It is simple really the thing that brought you together was a common interest, the workplace. The same will happen now, friends that you may have had for years will slowly fade away, they may even say some nasty hurtful things. I am not excusing this sort of behavior, but try to look at it from their perspective. You changed and not only that you are saying their god isn't real, harsh reactions are to be expected.

Another problem we can find ourselves getting into is treating our new found atheism like a shiny new toy. It can be hard to remember that not everyone takes the same journey as us. They haven't read Dawkins, Harris, Hitch, or even the Bible. They don't know the same things you do. Remember your deconversion didn't happen over night, be gentle.

I don't say these things to scare you are push you from being a vocal atheist, I think more are needed to at least let the world know we are not baby eating, murderous, criminals. We are your neighbors, co-workers, friends, etc...

For possibly the first time YOU CONTROL YOUR LIFE, be who you want to be for the reasons you want to be it

p.s. If you need or are looking to get involved in some sort of community you may be interested in joining your local Humanist, SSA, or Free Thinkers club/society..... or you can find a great group of us on Twitter just tweet with the #AtheistRollCall and we'll find you and maybe even like you

Thanks for reading
remember you are never alone!

Moon Walking Unicorn