How an Atheist Deals With Tragedy

First let me make it very clear that this is how I have dealt with tragedy and is in no way a blueprint.

Twelve years ago today (Feb 15 2001) my 14 year old brother and his two best friends (ages 15) were killed in a car accident. They were on their way to a high school basketball game when a man ran a red light and T-boned the vehicle they were in, killing all three instantly. Maybe some other time I will go into more detail about my brother and/or the accident, but that isn't the purpose of this post.

At the time I was a very devout christian and to be honest the belief I would see my brother again was comforting (and still is to the rest of my family) so how do I deal with days like today now? I try to remember my brother for who he was and how as a teenager he was so full of life and didn't let his stature (he was very short) stop him from doing the things he loved. I try to allow his passion for life live on through me. I do not believe in an afterlife, I do not believe I will ever see my brother or his friends again and it isn't that I'm "OK" with that I just understand it.

My newly found passion is to enjoy the one life I know I do get, and I do this in various ways. Most recently I have tried to become a bigger part of the online atheist community with the main objective to be an ear to others that find themselves struggling for whatever reason. That to me is the best way to honor my brothers legacy and his "spirit". Sometimes a listening ear or a hug can change somebodies day and that is what I try to do.

We all will (or have) come to a point where we will have to deal with tragedy and there are no magic words to make everything better. The idea of heaven is comforting to some, but that doesn't make it real. I know the stages of grief but understanding them doesn't make them easier to go through. What does make it easier is friendship and family (and sometimes a beer)

If I can give advice to anybody that is going through grief it's this: Allow people to be there, don't shut yourself away, but also don't be afraid to pause and reflect.

My advice to anyone that has a friend going through grief:
This isn't about you, if they ask you to go away do it, but let it be known you are always around. Above all else don't abandon them 3 months later the pain doesn't go away and phone call or a night out can make all the difference.

Sorry this post is a bit of a ramble and all over the place, but as you can imagine today can be a bit emotional

Thanks for reading hope it was helpful

p.s. sorry theist these events didn't make me mad at god in fact at the time I ran towards god it wasn't until much later that I began to understand god was only a figment of my imagination